Just Ask the Chocolate

Things are still a little chaotic. Car is fixed though I'm scared to be in it and just generally need to get my driving mojo back, heat is still iffy (fear of exploding ensues), had a little argument with the insurance company, issues with tournament I pushed my baseball team into, my knees hurt like I'm 50 years old...you get the idea. And while I consider myself a fairly well-adjusted person in general, I'm not oblivious enough to think I'm not also moody, and well, these things pile up.

On an unrelated at first glance note, I keep a bag of Dove dark chocolates at work, you know the kind with the weird sayings on the wrappers? I think the funniest one ever was 'Be your own Valentine'. Recently, I kept one that said 'Keep the promises you make to yourself', which seemed kind of poignant.

Anyway though, I unwrapped one today and it said (drum roll please): 'Don't think so much about it.' Good advice, eh?

When It Counts

Things that have gone wrong in the past week:
-2 of my car tires had nails in them
-my car broke
-my car broke again (actually it's the same problem, but it was taken to a mechanic in between, so it counts again)
-the circuit board on my furnace that controls the fan crapped out (since fixed, though part of the solution seems to be that it now makes a really high-pitched whine. awesome.)
-my iPod stopped working (since fixed)
-I found a pair of mesh shorts I liked (this is really hard for women, trust me) and the first time I washed it, the stitching came out of the hem
-my cable stopped working (since fixed)
-my CD player inexplicably shorted out (seems to be fine, but had to be reset)

This is a bad week. Really bad. The first time I've ever wished to be 17 again (weren't things easy then? no?)

One moment of clarity though. Last night, I was on my way to see a movie with B, one of those friends who generally means well, but can really get under your skin. I got about 5 miles out on the highway when the car went nuts and revealed that I had given the mechanics $480 to do something I could have done, which is NOT fix the car. I was nervous about the extra RPMs and jerky shifting, but it didn't seem to be in danger of not running at all, so I continued to her house and asked her if she'd drive to the movie and dinner. Ten minutes of venting about how there are no experts anymore and I was free to enjoy the movie (Juno - it was great!).

When we got back to her house, where my car was parked, she said, "Are you sure it will work? Do you want me to follow you?" And right before I opened my mouth to say "I'm sure it will be fine and I have my phone so I can just call you if there's any problem", I looked up and caught her eyes and saw that not only had she offered to follow me 20 miles home, she absolutely would have done it.

How many friends do you think you have that would not only do it, without complaining, if you asked, but would offer on their own? If you have more than a select few, consider yourself very, very lucky

This Week's Sign Of The Apocalypse

Anyone read Sports Illustrated? If so you'll recognize the title.

Anyway, background knowledge: I am managing a project in which we provide a data feed of fund prices to a newspaper. And this is mostly an email conversation.

E: So, A., the following 10 funds are missing 2/18 prices. Did the fund companies report?

Me: Yep, the 2/18 prices are in our database.

E: Oh, that's weird. They're not in the feed. Why don't you ask J. what's going on?

Me: J., how come the 2/18 prices are in the database and not in the feed.

J: O, how come the 2/18 prices are in the database and not in the feed?

X: O.'s out of the office so I'll have to ask A2. A2, how come the 2/18 prices are in the database and not in the feed?

(16 hour pause)

A2: Oh, because 2/18 was a U.S. holiday and they're U.S. funds.

Me: They're not U.S. funds

X: They're not U.S. funds.

Me: Wait, so you're saying the feed never happened because it was President's Day?

A2: Yes

Me: The database took the day off?

X: Essentially yes.

A2: I'll manually overwrite it because these are offshore funds. But for U.S. funds, the database can't work on U.S. holidays.

***
See, this is what happens when you give computers too much information.

Juicy

I have these two...well, friends would be a strong word, but definitely acquaintances I'm friendly with who are married to each other. It somehow came about once a few months ago that he and I watched a football game together. Originally, I thought she was coming, but it turned out she was out of town visiting a relative. Seemed maybe a little strange to me, but hey, despite some evidence to the contrary (#1 aaaaand #2), I've always thought that there's no reason guys and girls can't be friends, particularly if the boundaries are obvious.

And we had a pretty good time. There were a few awkward moments, including the fact that he really didn't seem to get the cue to leave once the game had been over for several hours and I was literally standing up for the last 40 minutes, but in general, we made pretty good football buddies.

A few weeks later, he called and kind of implied that we do it again. I told him I would be watching a certain college football game and that he could join me if he liked. He did. Again, we had this loooong period after the game was over where we were chatting and I was wondering when he might think it necessary to leave.

Then, he moved closer on the couch and kind of put his arm around me. I was almost totally frozen for I think about a full minute. The first 30 seconds in shock and the next figuring out what the hell I was going to do to get out of this one.

So I got up and walked over the counter and puttered around with something or other to buy some time. At which point, he apologized for making me uncomfortable and said he didn't know how he could have misread the situation. How the last time he left, he felt like I "expected something", that maybe he was letting me down. I was still pretty stunned, but I managed to get out something about didn't I see him as taken by someone else? And what had I done except agree to hang out a couple of times at *his* suggestion.

Then he said he hoped things wouldn't be awkward (we will certainly see each other again). I said I was of the opinion that things were always about as awkward as you allowed them to be and that I could act normal if he could. Then, after about five minutes of complete silence, I suggested that if he wasn't going to talk to me, he might want to leave. Which he did.

I saw him (and her, actually) for the first time since recently and though I behaved appropriately, I discovered I'm pretty darn angry.

I'm annoyed by his incredible arrogance and his assumptions about my behavior. Maybe they have some sort of weird arrangment or whatever, but I certainly don't know anything about it, and I really don't like the implication that I would be a willing participant anyway. It makes me feel like I need a shower.

Less importantly, he thinks that sitting six feet apart on the couch drinking a beer and yelling at football while petting the cat is the way I interact with guys I like?!? Listen buddy, if I wanted to sleep with you, you'd know it. I'm no delicate flower, so don't mistake my moderate friendliness for something that it isn't. Especially when you are 100% taken and you KNOW that not only do I know that, but I like your wife.

It's very sketchy ethically, both during, and now after when I have to wonder if I should say something to her. I won't, both because nothing actually happened, and because we're not really good friends and I would hope that she'd choose his word over mine, and because we all have to see each other.

Eureka

I don't anticipate too many more posts about politics. For someone who can get really into things (and jumps to conclusions a little...), I'm not all that political.

Throughout the democratic race, I've found myself very solidly behind Hillary Clinton. This sets me apart from many of my friends, in part because we're young, and likely in huge part because many of us are from Illinois. For the record, I think Obama is very likely a honest man, a smart man, and a good choice. Should he win the Democratic nomination, I'll back him 100% against the goof on the other side (McCain seems like a nice guy, but come on...). But as I said, he's just not my first choice.

For the last few weeks, I've been really trying to examine whether or not my position is because Hillary is a woman. After all, she and Obama have very similar ideas (well, we think. it's a little difficult to tell what Obama might do if elected) and platform is really not an easy way to separate them. I'll admit that Hillary's gender doesn't hurt, but I've also had this heretofore inexplicable...something...tugging at my sleeve. Something bothered me about Obama's campaign and I couldn't figure it out. Until now.

Remembering again the similar platforms of the two Democratic candidates, I though about what Obama was selling (I don't mean that in a bad way - they're all trying to sell themselves). He's big on the non-Washington insider thing and it's been pointed out many times by better theorists than I that his affability might even rival JFK's.

The 'new guy' thing has never really held much sway for me. After all, isn't the president's job essentially to work with people in Washington to effect change? Our political system is set up to change slowly (if at all!). Large-scale, rapid sweeping reforms are not in our history and they won't be in our future either.

The 'good guy' thing is generally well, good, but in combination with the above, it raises a serious red flag for me. I can think of someone else, someone pretty darn recent, who ran on the basic platform of down-home-nice-guy and inexperience in national politics. I'll give you three guesses.

I'm not saying they're the same by any means, but the similarity makes me nervous and I do wish people wouldn't be so darn quick to leap. These are important times.

Cog

Does anyone know why some people lose their voices all the time and others don't? Weak vocal cords? This is something I would like to know.

Yesterday, I took my first sick day in 3.5 years of work. People really aren't kidding when they tell you there's nothing on TV during the day. And I really should have taken Tuesday instead, but I didn't realize that until lunchtime and by then, well, you're already there, so... Wednesday was a chance for more sleep and the possibility of saving my voice (it kind of worked, as I have a voice. not my voice exactly, but it could be someone's so that's better than nothing). So I was up around 11 or so, and did some laundry, which really took a lot of energy, but not a lot of time. In all honesty, I was kind of bored. It does shorten your week though, I'll give it that.

Point is, though, I actually missed something at work. Without boring everyone, I'm the contact for a a few hundred fund managers and one of 'em is upset because their fund is showing up on a site it shouldn't be showing up on. And everything kind of came to a head yesterday, which I knew because I checked my email (told you I was bored). So I kind of felt like I was missing something. Which was awesome! What a pleasure it is to have a job where it would matter, at least a little, if you fell off the planet.

Guess all you have to do is threaten to move...
And to all the people who have asked recently, no I'm not moving. Not now, anyway. Good to know you're reading though!

American Idealist(s)

So I just finished watching American Idealist, this excellent documentary on Robert Sargent Shriver, whom you may or may not know as an in-law of JFK and the main shepherd of the Peace Corps and a whole host of Great Society programs (JobCorps, VISTA, HeadStart, Upward Bound, Community Action, the list goes on). Good old public television.

Though I admire people's willingness to volunteer in unfamiliar places, I've never been the biggest fan of the Peace Corps, mostly because I think there's plenty to do in this country (if you're looking for a task...). After seeing the documentary, however, I can see another angle of it. Though the Corps was certainly as much a play for power in the Cold War as anything else, it put a phenomenal amount of trust in young people. Really, all of Shriver's programs put trust in previously underrepresented constituencies (young people, black people, poor people, slum-dwellers) in an effort to empower the average American citizen and end poverty once and for all. Most of these programs were all but killed by the diverting of funds to Vietnam, but Shriver's legacy is still an interesting one. I'm not sure there's been that kind of hope or that kind of shift in power since.

Which brings me nicely to the Kennedy family. In 1968, Shriver was very close to being chosen as the running mate for Hubert Humphrey. Incredibly, his candidacy was basically derailed by the Kennedy family (his in-laws, remember) because, just a few months after Bobby was shot and killed, the Kennedys worried that Shriver could hamper Ted's chances at the presidency in 1972.

This is all well-timed, since an editorial in support of Barack Obama appeared in the New York Times this week by none other than Caroline Kennedy. Now, Caroline seems like a nice woman, and we're all certainly sorry about the tragedies that seem to befall the men in her family, but with all due respect, who the hell cares what she thinks about who should be president? Her only experience in politics beyond being a Kennedy figurehead was interning with her Uncle Teddy. I think she's smart and all, but how is her opinion any different than what everyone else thinks? Talk about a succession. And though I do see the irony of perhaps Shriver's best political move being his marriage, this kind of old guard glad-handing is something I can only hope Shriver would not want.

*For the record, Bobby's kids (her cousins) have come out in support of Hillary Clinton. And again, who cares?

Roots

I have a friend who recently moved to Denver. And loves it. Which, from what I hear from people who have been there, isn't surprising. And she thinks I would love it as well. I'm not so sure about that (I don't ski. Who ever heard of someone living in Colorado who doesn't ski or camp?), but I've heard enough similar sentiment lately to get me thinking.

I've always liked Seattle and I certainly wouldn't turn down the sun in Las Vegas, and then there's this whole Colorado thing and for the first time since junior year of college, I'm honestly considering the possibility that I could live somewhere else. I wouldn't say I'm unhappy here by any means, but in some ways it isn't quite what I had in mind either.

While this will always be home in some sense, my family isn't here anymore. I have a crapload of acquaintances and a few real friends that I love, but there are still times when I feel that in the majority of my relationships, I'm the one doing the work. I'm working on staying in touch and making plans and remembering birthdays and siblings and...food dislikes. Which is probably unfair, but that's how I feel. I realize that people aren't necessarily here to be my family, but I'm that kind of friend when I choose to be, so I don't know why I shouldn't expect it from other people.

Actually, sometimes I wonder if this is related to most people's lack of general togetherness. I think I like to have very close friends and family because my own thoughts and experiences aren't really enough to occupy me 24-7. Despite being perfectly happy spending time alone, other people genuinely do interest me. I enjoy trying to figure out what their families are like or what they think of federal holidays no longer being observed (or whatever. this just comes to mind today). But for a lot of people I know, it seem to be all they can do to keep their basic day-to-day from falling apart. And I guess I see, then, why they seem to prefer acquaintances. And that's not a judgment, really. But boy, are they bad choices for me.

Back to the point, there have been three job searches with varying and ultimately disappointing results, a host of mildly fun sports teams, and way too many nights where everyone around me is drunk. And with my only other experience being in a rural college town, it's hard for me to decide whether any of these things would be different in another city. But I guess what it all boils down to is that the next time I look for a job (likely late this year), I will look in other places. And maybe there's a time limit on this whole Chicago thing. Or at least a time to actively make a decision about it. Like 2010, which sounds like a time sufficiently in the future (despite the complaining, I know it would be tough to leave). I was surprised to find myself thinking that in the car the other day.

Christmas in...January

My company is going to move into the new Block 37 location sometime this year and someone in HR decided it would be a good bonding experience for the company to maintain a blog with all sorts of information about the new location. And I'm basically a writer who spends most of the day cleaning up hedge fund data points, so I volunteered. Thought you kids could read it.

And bonus fact, since this is sort of a cop-out blog post: this year, the Smurfs turn....50!!

If youth is wasted on the young, Christmas is wasted on the old(er). Pretty much the second you hit junior high, you discover the truth about Rudolph, your gift requests suddenly go from five dollar action figures and make believe paraphernalia to electronics, and then one day your dad tells you that if you want to leave cookies out for Santa, you’re going to have to eat them as well because you kids go to bed too late now and he’s sick of getting up in the middle of the night and walking all the way downstairs for a few bites of cookie. Or something like that…

Though credit cards and the ability to use the oven without adult supervision do add somewhat to the season, there’s nothing quite like the chance to experience it through the eyes of a child. Don’t have a little rugrat waiting for you at home? The next best thing is the Christkindlmarket, a German Christmas festival that runs from the day after Thanksgiving through Christmas Eve at the Daley Center Plaza.

Whether you wait for a one of the warmer days or simply decide to bundle up and risk it, your eye will first be drawn to the four story tree on the South side of the plaza. The ornaments are similarly oversized and the effect, though slightly like Honey I Shrunk the Kids, will make you feel that child’s sense of wonder, even as your eyes search the crowd for Rick Moranis. If you brought the rugrats with you, give ‘em a good look at the elaborate model train in the shadow of the giant tree.

After you finish discussing how that tree could possibly show up every year without witnesses to its setup (elves, perhaps?), take a look around at the booths set up mostly by Germans living right here in the city of Chicago. Now, the Germans aren’t a fantastically religious people in general, but they know Christmas and they could make even the Grinch feel like having some egg nog. You’ll see everything from cozy cashmere scarves (nicely priced if you’re looking for something to get your sister) to elaborate one-foot-tall lighted houses (I guess they’re decorations? I was never too big into transforming my living space by season, but if you are, you’ve found your home planet!) to hand crafted beer steins perfect for the more refined fraternity man on your list.

All that scrutinizing tchotchkes in near freezing temperatures will likely leave you with a noticeable emptiness in your stomach, so take a moment to survey the food offerings. It won’t take you long to notice that they’re German to the core, with potato pancakes, bratwurst, sauerkraut, and even leberkaese, that strangle amalgamation of pork loaf and beef loaf. Like many German foods, it doesn’t exactly whet the American appetite, but ends up tasting pretty darn good. You can warm your belly with some hot chocolate, cool it again with some authentic German beer, then warm it up a final time before making your way home with some hot mulled wine. This year, the wine came in a commemorative boot. Is there a better commemorative item? I think not.

Despite the prior existence of Mayfest and Oktoberfest (held in September, don’t forget!), I had been thinking that another German cultural festival was exactly what this city needed. As it turns out, one can be found in the heart of loop a stone’s throw from the Block 37 location. And for Christmas spirit, it can’t be beat.

Hee Hee, Doody

Whoa, long break. Sorry about that. Traveling, work, general winter laziness, etc. Happy New Year!

So, we've decided to have a player-run league for baseball, which I think is fantastic. I was about at the end of my rope for being treated like a child (by someone you may remember), and I think this presents us with a much better chance to build a sustainable organization.

But it does create more work in some areas. And it absolutely shocks me how little loyalty some people have for a cause. Everyone seems proud of themselves for engineering this newfound independence and there are about 90 voices in the circle when it's time to announce our success or plan barbecues, but ask people to make some cold calls or schmooze a little and all of a sudden everyone has plans.

I mean this in the nicest possible way, people, but grow up! If you want independence, you will occasionally have to do things you don't want to do. And furthermore, you have to kick ass at them the same way you would on things you do like. I'm younger than most people, but I feel like I'm welcoming them to real world sometimes: newsflash: this is what grassroots organization is like. Not all peace pipes and celebrations.

I'm baffled by people who seem to be utterly missing a sense of duty. Though I am starting to realize that it's the reason many of these people can't be confident that a player-run league will work - if they were running it, it wouldn't!

(Nicest possible way, remember. I'm proud of ALL of us!)